Dating Insanity

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I have ventured back into the dating scene. It’s a scary place!!!  It’s also a lot of work…  People coming and going with trying to pause long enough to meet the “right” person.

I set up a generic email, I got an app that creates a separate phone number, and I started searching.  I started on Craigslist (CL). The ads there might be scary, but at least they are direct.  You can tell who wants a quick hookup, who wants something kinky, and who wants a relationship…., at least most of the time.  I have met some interesting people through CL.  It is fairly limited though and difficult to keep track of which ads I’ve already responded to.  Maybe there’s a way to keep track, but I haven’t found it yet.

So after not having a lot of success on CL, I joined a dating site.  Holy cannoli!  The scams are rampant!  I have this CRAZY notion that I should respond to everyone who messages me.  It keeps me very busy.  I’m afraid of missing Mr. Right.  I can usually tell pretty quickly based upon the questions asked, word usage and lack of punctuation of who is not a native speaker.  I commented to one person about the poor use of grammar, and he told me that because it’s social media it’s not required.  The English teacher in me disagrees.  There is no harm in an occasional period or question mark.  Maybe my standards are too high???

The joys of being single.  I’m not sure why I’m even looking.  My best friend (J) is trying to help me and be supportive.  J is the perfect man for me, but someone else found him first.  I respect him and envy her.  Anyhow, he helps me find the “real” people.  I don’t know how he’s so supportive, other than he’s my best friend.  The drama created on the dating site is entertaining for him.  Anyone that I want to be more interested in, he will check out and make sure I haven’t missed anything.  J is amazingly protective and supportive.  He even gets more excited than me about the dates I set up.

I went on a first date Friday night.  I wasn’t looking forward to it (probably due to nerves), but J was.  I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks.  The more we talked and chatted, the more I realize how anxious he was to find a serious relationship.  I just am not ready.  I need a platonic friendship that can blossom and grow with time.  My marriage was not ideal, and I don’t want to risk another bad relationship.  I struggle with boundaries and saying “No”.  I put everyone else before me, whether they should be there or not.  My therapist is working with me on this.  I have to put on my own oxygen mask before I can help anyone else, and my supply of oxygen is pretty low right now.  The date was ok, but I did leave earlier than I had originally planned.  My body dictated that I leave.

I don’t know why I feel compelled to start dating.  I’ve only been divorced for about 4 months now.  I’m really ready for a serious relationship, but I would like someone to go to dinner with, go see a movie, or just hang out with.  I guess I want something for the loneliness and for adult conversation.  I love my kids, but adult time is nice too.

Stay tuned as my dating saga continues.  My life of a single mom is never dull or boring.

~Maybe, when I grow up…


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